This is a topic I don’t see addressed often, but it’s done wrong so often that it’s become a pet peeve of mine. It’s like a cheese grater on the nerves. Once you see the difference between smooth, essential thoughts and ‘throw away’ thoughts, you won’t be able to unsee them. And that’s a good thing for your writing.

Thoughts in exposition can be wonderful – they help your reader get to know your characters and have empathy for them. They can be a great way to reveal backstory in a compelling way. They can also be a great way to explode a secret on the page.

But done wrong, it invites skimming and that’s the LAST thing you want. There’s several ways to do it wrong. Here are a few:

• Italics: Yes, I know there is no rule against putting thoughts in italics. But to me, it’s distracting. Since we use italics to show emphasis, for texts, news articles, etc., that can be a lot of drawing attention. Don’t use them for thoughts, too.
• Too many thoughts: If you’re a fan of Margie Lawson, (and if you’re not, you should be) you know she suggests highlighting thoughts in yellow. Choose any one chapter in the middle of your book and highlight the thoughts. You will be shocked at how much is yellow. Too many thoughts tend to make the reader feel trapped in your character’s head. They slow the read, which is never a good thing. I believe it’s why many readers have an aversion to first person – too many thoughts!
• Unneeded thoughts: As authors, we have a hard time judging when enough is enough. We tend to think the reader needs more information than they do.

This is the kind of thing that makes a reader ‘skim’ to get to the good parts.

How do you avoid this?

Here’s some examples:

We’re in the hurricane’s path. It’s a solid Category 2 now, and it could get stronger.”

I didn’t like the sound of that. “Do we need to evacuate?”

Who would like the sound of that? It’s a freakin’ hurricane! Doubly bad if you’re trying to increase tension in the scene. To increase tension—not a spare word!

Instead, tell us what we don’t know!

This guy is a legend in his own mind. I’ve seen some crap in my days, but he dishes it by the shovelful. “I’m so impressed with your body of work, Sir.”

I’m good with diplomacy. My thoughts? Another thing entirely.

See how that last thought told you the obvious?

Done better:

“I’m so impressed with your body of work, Sir.”  And I’m even more impressed with my hyperbole super-power.

• Backstory thoughts: Backstory dumps are never good. They’re even worse in thoughts. Why? Think about it – how often do you go to bad memories in your thoughts? No more often than you have to, right? So does this sound like a legitimate thought?

 He remembered the blast of an IED, during his tour of duty in Iraq. He hadn’t wanted to enlist, but the judge said it was that or jail time. Didn’t seem fair. He’d only been driving the car, and he didn’t know his drunk buds meant to rob the gas station. But there he was,  sweating under a fifty-pound pack, when the blast hit, throwing him in the air.

Dump-city, right? Sure the information tells us about the character, but not in a compelling way. Instead:

Crouched behind the car, he rubbed the pain in his leg—a reminder of the IED that was the last time he’d come this close to death.

See how the above hints there IS backstory, without dumping backstory?

The rest may be important about the character, but you can find places to slip in details down the road in this same compelling way.

Take the time to think about your character’s thoughts. I promise your writing will be better for it!